Over the years, I have been on this rollercoaster of working mom, work-at-home mom, and stay-at-home mom. In each phase of life, I found different ways to set goals. Life changed drastically when I recently learned how to set goals as a stay-at-home mom.
First, I want to clarify the difference between the three:
– A working mom leaves the home to go to a place of work to make any amount of income.
– A work-at-home mom stays at home and does any form of work that pays any amount of income.
– A stay-at-home mom, or SAHM, is simply a homemaker who works to keep up with the house, her personal needs, and the family’s needs. A SAHM doesn’t work for income.
Why is this information necessary? I believe there is a misconception that all moms who work are working moms and all moms who stay at home are stay-at-home moms.
I have been all three and as a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t work for income anymore, I want to share my take on goals in each phase of my life.
When I became a mom at the young age of 20, my only goal was to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and witness every milestone of our child’s life. At the time, one income wasn’t enough to pay our bills.
As someone who rarely plays it safe, I decided to look into Multi-Level Marketing or direct sales. I saw other moms who were able to work from home while enjoying their children, so I thought I could do it as well.
While building my direct sales income, I worked at my grandparent’s store to make ends meet. When it comes to building businesses or starting something that isn’t a traditional job, it takes time to build an income.
While I was working, my biggest goal was to make enough money with my direct sales business so that I could replace my income from my traditional job. This meant that I needed to find a direct sales company that I could enjoy and promote easily!
After 10+ companies, I found one that I truly enjoyed and wanted to promote for four years before I joined.
The only thing that kept me from joining earlier was the stigma around sexual health. Thankfully, when I saw what a single mom of three could do with that company, I was inspired to join without a care in the world.
Four months with the sexual health company and I was able to make more than my entire month’s income at my traditional job in just one event. It was then that my goals started to shift and I began to see new possibilities for myself and my family.
Within the first year, I moved up through the ranks and became the first on our team to ever reach the top 1% of the company with my leader. I was determined to be successful in whatever way possible.
I built a community of women who needed a safe space to open up and share things they didn’t feel comfortable talking to doctors about. This company changed many of the relationships in my life and I was able to embrace the listener I was created to be. That community transformed over time and those who weren’t there specifically for the products and discounts landed in my current private community!
I traveled by plane for the first time and purchased a kayak and new tires for my husband’s truck. Every month I attended team meetings and received awards for being the number one sponsor and sales consultant. One month, I achieved my first five-figure month! My personal team reached six figures in team sales.
I was on cloud nine for four years until my leader chose to step down from her role. It was then that I realized I was a copy/paste robot mimicking everything my leader did. I didn’t learn to become a leader myself and embrace my own uniqueness.
In 2022, I completely stepped away from direct sales and decided to be the stay-at-home mom I set out to be.
It was a brand new year and I had no idea how to set goals. I had so many questions come up about what I was supposed to do, and where I was supposed to go. To top it all off, my husband found out he was working out of state and wouldn’t be home during the week.
For 10 years, I was a toddler mom learning how to adult and be a mother at the same time. I was also learning how to be a businesswoman. Hustle was my middle name. When I wasn’t taking care of the children or the housework, I was working on my business in some way. I was committed to creating a different future and I thought that meant working hard as often as possible.
What I didn’t know then is that I was pushing myself to burnout. Oftentimes, I looked happy on the outside, but within I constantly asked myself, “Why can’t I just be happy?”
At the beginning of 2022, I slowed WAY down and started rediscovering who I am as an individual. I started doing things I enjoy while enjoying time with our kids. While learning who I am, I discovered more of my passion and started sharing it with others. I created a new YouTube channel, developed coaching programs, put together workshops and workbooks, and allowed my creative side to shine bright.
Each day I made time to sit with myself, alone and in silence, to just listen to my mind. I know this sound dangerous, but when you learn to Silence Your Inner Critic, it becomes easier over time. At first, I started journaling with pen and paper. Then, I switched to voice memos. The more I dumped from my mind, the more I discovered about myself and what I ACTUALLY wanted to do.
I set goals to nap, take baths, do zero housework, and so much more. I realized I am valuable because I am. Even if the house isn’t clean, I am valuable. Even if the family only gets sandwiches and chips for supper, I am valuable.
I am valuable because I am.
This is when my goals shifted from DOING to BEING. This is where I want to share my take on goals because they are WAY different than the traditional goals that we hear about often.
When you’re setting goals as an individual or as a mom, answer these questions.
- How do you want to FEEL? List five feelings you want to experience every day.
- What activities allow you to feel these feelings?
- In what way are these feelings already happening for you?
When we tap into the feelings we will receive because of our goals, it allows us to manifest them much quicker than if weren’t constantly waiting to have our desires.
Now, with this in mind, I want to encourage you to set goals for YOU. You were an individual before you ever became a mom. It’s important to be able to live your life while being a mom.
The one thing that helped me inch my way to my goals was setting one minute aside specifically for myself each day. I could justify one minute for myself. Anything more and I felt guilty because I could be cleaning or doing something for the kids. The minutes accumulate quickly. The more you allow yourself time to sit with yourself, the longer you will be able to stay with yourself without feeling guilty.
Your dreams are important.
If you’re unsure about what your individual dreams and desires are, grab your free copy of Individual Mom. In this guide, I help you separate yourself from your roles in life so you can understand your core essence. Then we explore the activities that allow YOU to experience genuine happiness.
As always, if you enjoyed this post, pin the image(s) above and share it with a friend! In the comment section, tell me one thing you will do for YOURSELF today!
Thanks for sharing your story, Tamara! It was very inspiring. The one thing I did for myself today was yoga, 20mins of just focusing on my mind and body was really nice.