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I Am Enough Because I Say I Am.

TW – domestic violence, sexual abuse, and rape.

At a very young age, I was programmed to believe that everything was happening to me. I didn’t understand the power of my own mind, and I had absolutely no idea life was happening exactly how it was supposed to – for me.

I became conditioned to the ways of those around me. I continued living in their footsteps without understanding that there were other ways to live. It wasn’t until I moved out of my mom’s house that I began to experience true independence in my life. I started to see how others lived differently and I grew curious.

I had allowed the limiting beliefs to control my life for so long that they guided me down a path of perpetual sameness. I lived in my old ways and had a hard time seeing what was really happening. I was stuck in hypnosis mode and living my life on autopilot.

While attending a business conference, a fellow consultant stepped on stage and shared a story about how she helped a woman in an abusive relationship gather the funds and courage to leave her partner. Something within me was activated and a wave of emotions washed over me. Many events of my life flashed before my eyes and that’s when my transformation began.

A veil was lifted and I started to see many events of my life for what they truly were. At the young age of seven, I had a boy in my life that would rub my back under my shirt anytime I would lay down and adults weren’t around. Minutes after he began, he would slide his hand around the front to grope my non-existent breasts. It made me feel uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t realize what had just happened was considered sexual abuse. I was seven and no one had ever talked to me about appropriate touches.

A few years later, I was laying on our couch on New Year’s Eve with a boy much older than me. The adults weren’t present because they were celebrating New Year’s Eve out in the shed with their alcohol and music. Everything in the living room was dark except for the TV. All of a sudden, I felt his foot slide up my thigh. He didn’t stop. He rested his foot between my legs and applied pressure. I wasn’t sure what to do. It felt alright, so I assumed it was okay.

When my virginity was stolen, an older boyfriend ignored my wishes and helped himself. I believed that it was okay because he was my boyfriend.

I couldn’t see these events as I do now because I had to normalize them in my mind. I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on. I felt like if I spoke up, I would be in trouble for lying or just trying to get attention.

There were many more moments that I experienced physical touches without my consent, but in my mind, it meant that they loved me so I allowed it to continue. I spent years of my life allowing things to happen because I didn’t have the courage to speak up. I didn’t have the courage to say what I really wanted to say. Most of the people that treated me poorly have no idea how I felt about the situation.

As I began to heal and work through the hurt that I experienced, I let go of who I was in those moments. I separated myself from the past and destroyed all feelings of sadness, anger, and regret. Those feelings were holding me back from who I was meant to be.

I began taking responsibility for my life. I wrote many letters to the people that hurt me and threw the letters in the fire. I wrote out everything that I felt about those situations and released them. I put everything, minus many specifics, in my book to detach from everything I had been through.

It took me twenty-eight years (minus the first five years) to realize that none of the events of my life determine my worth or where I am going in this world. I was raised in poverty and it means nothing about my future. I was raised in domestically violent households and it means nothing about my future. I was raised in a split family and it means nothing about my future.

Where we come from means NOTHING about where we’re going.

I believed I wasn’t enough for love because my parents fought over me.
I believed I wasn’t enough for money because we never had the money for what I wanted.
I believed I wasn’t enough for success because my parents worked their butts off for what felt like nothing.
I believed I wasn’t enough for a bright future because I had experienced so much trauma so early in life.

When I took responsibility for my life and my decisions, I declared, “I Am Enough Because I Say I Am,” and I stood firm in the belief that no one and no thing gets to determine otherwise.

This is MY life and every minute is valuable to me.

I know there are people out there right now who believe they aren’t enough for the life of their dreams because of certain circumstances. I know there are people holding back because they believe they have to be a certain way for others. I know there are people settling for lives that they hate waking up to because it’s way off track from what they imagined for their future.

I am living, breathing proof that the way life is right now means NOTHING about life in 30, 60, 90, and even 365 days.

Change is a choice.

What are you choosing for your life?

Are you choosing to live a certain way because someone somewhere said you had to or are you standing in your power and creating the life of your dreams?

If you feel stuck in your current circumstances and you’re looking for a way out, this book is for you.
If you feel beat down by life and you’re open to change, this book is for you.
If you feel like you’ve been spinning your wheels and you’re ready to gain traction, this book is for you.

Grab your copy of I Am Enough Because I Say I Am.

2 thoughts on “I Am Enough Because I Say I Am.”

  1. This post is filled with so much compassion and love, both for yourself and others who may feel unseen, unloved, and/or taken advantage of. It feels like we can often look to others to determine our value, but I love this declaration that you are enough because you say so. Thank you for sharing your story and speaking your truth.

  2. So sorry you grew up in situations where you were hurt by people you trusted, creating a negative view of yourself. So glad you had the strength to get your life back and realize “you were enough”, and took charge of what you wanted in life! Thank you for sharing your story to help others who also lived through sexual and physical abuse that can affect your life and mental health for years.

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