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Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?

why can't I just be happy

When I started my healing journey, it was only because I waited too long to talk about what was going on in my mind. I allowed the negative thoughts to take over and this caused a downward spiral into burnout and depression. The thought often crossed my mind, “Why can’t I just be happy?”

There were many days I didn’t leave the couch. In order to run my business, I was required to show up on social media. I was so tapped out that I couldn’t be the leader I had been. My children needed me and all I could do was make meals.

If I left the house, I put on a fake smile to pretend that I was happy.

I didn’t want to burden anyone with my mental garbage. It wasn’t their responsibility to solve my life problems. Why would I share it with them?

The longer I kept my thoughts bottled, the longer it felt like I was harboring a mental parasite. Any time I tried to participate in an activity I used to love, I would come home completely exhausted.

My husband and I discovered that we were unexpectedly expecting our fifth child. I had zero excitement. He had a vasectomy planned out and the doctor moved his appointment without notice. We were DONE having children.

How could I be so mad about such a beautiful blessing?

I wanted to be happy that I was pregnant again, but I just couldn’t. I broke down crying one night and my husband asked, “What’s wrong?”
Softly I replied, “I’m sorry.”
He said, “For what?”
Through the tears and the coughing fit I said, “I’m pregnant.” Thankfully, I have one of the best husbands and he reassured me that everything would be okay.

The only thoughts that crossed my mind were, “What will my family say? How will others view us? Can we really afford five kids?”

After talking to multiple big families, my mind was put at ease. I’ve heard it most of my life, but it’s worth saying here in case you haven’t heard it yet…

The opinions of others do not matter, EVER.

The negative thoughts you hear in your mind are created by the negative opinions of others. Those thoughts are your Inner Critic.

A month after we found out we were pregnant, I started seeing a therapist to talk about EVERYTHING I had going on in my mind. I could never get back to where I was.

The more I went to therapy, the more that came up to talk about and I couldn’t get it all out in a one-hour session. That is when I started journaling again. The thoughts were coming through so fast that I couldn’t keep up when I was writing. I had to switch to voice memo and talk it out while taking notes about things I wanted to remember.

this post was proofread by Grammarly

It wasn’t long before nights of worry turned into nights of inspiration.

I started an “eye-dea” book to keep track of my ideas and created separate notebooks to keep track of my celebrations, mindset, and finances!

I discovered an analogy that helped me share the process with others. Our mind is like a room in a house. When we stack a bunch of boxes (thoughts), in the room, it fills up quickly. If we never take the boxes out and clean the room, we end up with cobwebs and possibly rodents or bats.

Your brain is not meant to store the same information forever. We think the same thoughts every day because we don’t allow them to come out.

why can't I just be happy

Put every task to paper to create an energetic routine. This stops the never-ending to-do list cycle and clears space for more productive thoughts. It’s much easier to be happy when you’re not reminded of everything that needs to be done every single day.

Dump your thoughts through journaling. There isn’t only one way to journal, here are my different ways to journal. If one method doesn’t work out for you, try something else. Give your mind the space it needs to create.

Want a place to be seen, heard, and validated, you’re welcome to join us for a free Vent Sesh every Thursday at 6pm CST.

Our minds can be our worst enemies if we allow them, but the best part about our minds is that we have the power to change the way they work!

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